Not much is going on except that I am thinking a lot about moving and not doing the actual organizing involved to move. I'm also exercising everyday now that I have some time to.
I've been thinking about putting an end to this blog since I don't post so often anyway. It turns out I'm awful at keeping up. I wonder if this is because I'm a much more closed person than I actually believe myself to be. I do find myself more jaded than I used to be. Like I come upon moments of realization that I'm being really cynical.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Things I Love About Being a Mom (to Liam)
A while while back, MKM from Expatriate Games tagged me to write about this topic. At once it got me thinking about all the things and more about what I like and love about being a mom, and particularly being Um-ma (Mom in Korean) to Liam. I add "to Liam" because those two things are different and I only know the latter.
It was also a difficult topic because although I love being a mom, it's not something that's on my concious mind all the time when I care for him. Usually I only remember how happy I am and how lovely my baby is when I'm on the train to go to work or when I have a moment to breathe at work. To be frank, at times, I just want to go off and live as freely as I did pre-baby. Or more freely so at that, now that I know to appreciate not having a responsibility . Of course I will never do that. The state of being Liam's Mom is actually more inate and urgent than most other insticts that occur to me.
One benefit I enjoy from being a mom is that I became a much calmer person. I don't know what it is exactly. Maybe it's hormonal, maybe it's mothering instinct. I used to be a bit of a neurotic, but since Liam was born, I am much less so. I feel confident and sure around my baby. Not that I'm certain all the time about my parenting skill, but I know that I'm trying my best to protect him from all ill, and that I am a fair mother. I don't project myself to him and I am mindful to respect him as an individul. I love that having Liam made me grow up.
The following things about Liam makes me love him and that love oddly but specifically translates to what I love about being a mom:
1. He makes me laugh with his brand of humor.
2. He's soft and cuddly.
3. He's hair is so unbelivably soft and it smells amazing.
4. He yells "Um. Ma!" when he sees me.
5. His feet look exactly like mine.
6. He looks like me and miraculousely also like my husband.
7. He is a result of my husband and my history together.
8. He loves to eat everything. Like me!
9. He is a trilingual baby. He understands Korean, English and Hebrew.
More things I love about being a mom are:
I love that I'm helping build my ideal world by having a multicultural, multiracial and multilingual baby.
Beside the very utopiac idea, I simply love that my baby is beautiful. There. I said it. Yes, I am vain, but I can't help but admire my lovely's beautifulness. I really think Liam is an improved version of me and David. With that, I end this post. It's 11 30 at night and I've been up since 4 30 this morning. I'm telling you- being beautiful really helps when you're bugging someone to wake up and play at the break of dawn.
It was also a difficult topic because although I love being a mom, it's not something that's on my concious mind all the time when I care for him. Usually I only remember how happy I am and how lovely my baby is when I'm on the train to go to work or when I have a moment to breathe at work. To be frank, at times, I just want to go off and live as freely as I did pre-baby. Or more freely so at that, now that I know to appreciate not having a responsibility . Of course I will never do that. The state of being Liam's Mom is actually more inate and urgent than most other insticts that occur to me.
One benefit I enjoy from being a mom is that I became a much calmer person. I don't know what it is exactly. Maybe it's hormonal, maybe it's mothering instinct. I used to be a bit of a neurotic, but since Liam was born, I am much less so. I feel confident and sure around my baby. Not that I'm certain all the time about my parenting skill, but I know that I'm trying my best to protect him from all ill, and that I am a fair mother. I don't project myself to him and I am mindful to respect him as an individul. I love that having Liam made me grow up.
The following things about Liam makes me love him and that love oddly but specifically translates to what I love about being a mom:
1. He makes me laugh with his brand of humor.
2. He's soft and cuddly.
3. He's hair is so unbelivably soft and it smells amazing.
4. He yells "Um. Ma!" when he sees me.
5. His feet look exactly like mine.
6. He looks like me and miraculousely also like my husband.
7. He is a result of my husband and my history together.
8. He loves to eat everything. Like me!
9. He is a trilingual baby. He understands Korean, English and Hebrew.
More things I love about being a mom are:
I love that I'm helping build my ideal world by having a multicultural, multiracial and multilingual baby.
Beside the very utopiac idea, I simply love that my baby is beautiful. There. I said it. Yes, I am vain, but I can't help but admire my lovely's beautifulness. I really think Liam is an improved version of me and David. With that, I end this post. It's 11 30 at night and I've been up since 4 30 this morning. I'm telling you- being beautiful really helps when you're bugging someone to wake up and play at the break of dawn.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Hello Again
To all five followers of my blog: Sorry that I've disappeared for so long. I can give you all kinds of excuses, but I won't. I'll just write more often and be in touch.
Many things have happened.
My maternal grandmother passed away. I wasn't so close to her because my mother hardly had any relationship with her. The event still affected me and got me thinking about existential issues. My mother who kept her distance from her mother abhorred the idea that they were so similar, an opinion shared by all except to her admission. I have a difficult relationship with my mother, and I quietly vowed to myself, not too long ago, that I'd keep certain distance from her so as not to upset both of us. Was that a right decision, now I wonder? Should I try harder? Am I just like my mother?
When my mother in law sent a condolence email to her, my mother wrote back and said she didn't miss her mother. I was horrified to hear that. I hate to have the same sentiment when, god forbid, Mom passes away. Am I, then, to make a conscious choice to make more effort for a better relationship with her?... yet again?
Even though my relationship with my mother has been difficult, the problem was one that I didn't have to "live with" daily. Besides the fact that I am the way I am because of how I was raised by her, I no longer have to deal with anger and all kinds of other negative tendencies (Okay, okay, I have loads of good qualities too, if you're so insisting. They're from her too, but who's asking?) simply because I've been living so far from her since I was eighteen.
Guess what? I'm moving to Korea now. In August. That we'll be in the same country and there's Liam will no doubt bound us close. I don't want to deprive my child of a grandmother.
Going to Korea: the most exciting news besides the arrival of Liam baby. We've decided to go for it. We're telling people that we're going for one year, but in fact, we're keeping our mind open towards staying longer if things work out. If not, we'll return to Israel, move to Tel Aviv, and I'll start my own business. Or so I'm telling myself.
I'm on a new opera production of the season, Carmen. I'm in charge of making up actors who play gypsies, torreros, and Pretty Boys. May I say that I'm thoroughly enjoying having to make up the beautiful men? Me and the gay costume revival manager from Italy who keep coming to our room to take pictures of them. He and I had an odd little encounter. I was finishing up my work when he came in and stood next to a hair and wig person to help with an elaborate hair decoration for an Elegant Lady. He was wearing a pair of bright green Nike sneakers, cute as hell. I said, "I love your shoes!!" Then he just walked away! No "thank you," "fuck off" or anything. I thought maybe I ought not to have initiated any conversation with him because I'm just a makeup artist and he's an important person imported from Italy. Later I found out from an actress that he doesn't talk to women much.
What's going on with Liam: oh, he's so cute!!! He now sticks out his tongue when commanded in Hebrew, English, and Korean. He also looks outside when we talk about the window, daytime/night time, and sky. He really seems to understand all three languages so far. He mixes up languages though. So he will use one language for referring to something and for another object he'll use another language.
Melissa tagged me on what I love about being a mom, so I'll write more on Liam on my next post.
Thanks for keeping with me, folks.
Many things have happened.
My maternal grandmother passed away. I wasn't so close to her because my mother hardly had any relationship with her. The event still affected me and got me thinking about existential issues. My mother who kept her distance from her mother abhorred the idea that they were so similar, an opinion shared by all except to her admission. I have a difficult relationship with my mother, and I quietly vowed to myself, not too long ago, that I'd keep certain distance from her so as not to upset both of us. Was that a right decision, now I wonder? Should I try harder? Am I just like my mother?
When my mother in law sent a condolence email to her, my mother wrote back and said she didn't miss her mother. I was horrified to hear that. I hate to have the same sentiment when, god forbid, Mom passes away. Am I, then, to make a conscious choice to make more effort for a better relationship with her?... yet again?
Even though my relationship with my mother has been difficult, the problem was one that I didn't have to "live with" daily. Besides the fact that I am the way I am because of how I was raised by her, I no longer have to deal with anger and all kinds of other negative tendencies (Okay, okay, I have loads of good qualities too, if you're so insisting. They're from her too, but who's asking?) simply because I've been living so far from her since I was eighteen.
Guess what? I'm moving to Korea now. In August. That we'll be in the same country and there's Liam will no doubt bound us close. I don't want to deprive my child of a grandmother.
Going to Korea: the most exciting news besides the arrival of Liam baby. We've decided to go for it. We're telling people that we're going for one year, but in fact, we're keeping our mind open towards staying longer if things work out. If not, we'll return to Israel, move to Tel Aviv, and I'll start my own business. Or so I'm telling myself.
I'm on a new opera production of the season, Carmen. I'm in charge of making up actors who play gypsies, torreros, and Pretty Boys. May I say that I'm thoroughly enjoying having to make up the beautiful men? Me and the gay costume revival manager from Italy who keep coming to our room to take pictures of them. He and I had an odd little encounter. I was finishing up my work when he came in and stood next to a hair and wig person to help with an elaborate hair decoration for an Elegant Lady. He was wearing a pair of bright green Nike sneakers, cute as hell. I said, "I love your shoes!!" Then he just walked away! No "thank you," "fuck off" or anything. I thought maybe I ought not to have initiated any conversation with him because I'm just a makeup artist and he's an important person imported from Italy. Later I found out from an actress that he doesn't talk to women much.
What's going on with Liam: oh, he's so cute!!! He now sticks out his tongue when commanded in Hebrew, English, and Korean. He also looks outside when we talk about the window, daytime/night time, and sky. He really seems to understand all three languages so far. He mixes up languages though. So he will use one language for referring to something and for another object he'll use another language.
Melissa tagged me on what I love about being a mom, so I'll write more on Liam on my next post.
Thanks for keeping with me, folks.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Little Break for a Peace of Mind
Sorry for the lack of posting. I've been disorganized for the past month or so, and it's been hard to find time to sit down and write. I'll be taking a break from blogging for a little while. I promise to be back in a couple of weeks. Peace!
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Roaming Around
We went to Jerusalem to our mother-in-law's for the weekend. We stopped over at my friend G's on the way. G called yesterday announcing her return from her three months trip to New York, Brazil and South America. She and her husband don't work, travel often and enjoy their lives. I don't need to spell out that I'm quite envious of their lifestyle, yet somehow, I also find it difficult to let go of my need to get somewhere with the career of mine.
G and T have a little boy just three months older than Liam. G being Korean and T being an Ashkenazie Jew, Liam and their baby share many similarities. It gave me happiness to see the two little boys smile at each other the moment they met.
Weekend here being Friday and Saturday, and not including Sunday, we drove back last night. I have to admit, I'm a little bit dreading the next three weeks when I'll have to work nearly everyday. This week I'll be working all seven days.
G and T have a little boy just three months older than Liam. G being Korean and T being an Ashkenazie Jew, Liam and their baby share many similarities. It gave me happiness to see the two little boys smile at each other the moment they met.
Weekend here being Friday and Saturday, and not including Sunday, we drove back last night. I have to admit, I'm a little bit dreading the next three weeks when I'll have to work nearly everyday. This week I'll be working all seven days.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Hi, I'm Back!
Commuting to work has been not as bad as I anticipated and the curtain closed for the first show I've done. During the lay period until the next show, I've been indulging myself to some Korean drama from mysoju.com. A Korean friend who lives in Jerusalem told me about this site. It lists all sorts of Korean (and other Asian) TV shows and movies. I got hooked on a now completed show called La Dolce Vita (a.k.a. 달콤한 인생). I finished watching the entire twenty four episodes in less than one week, thus the lack of posting. Husband was unhappy that I spent all of my free time in front of the computer. I mustn't watch the dramas too often. I'm a total basket case.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Working Girl Blues
I began working on the current production at the opera. Work has been fun, but I'm away from home for so many hours a day now. I hate the hours wasted on the road to travel to Tel Aviv and back. From Haifa, it takes about two hours each trip door to door. That's four hours a day just for the trip. If we were to live in Israel in the future, we would move to Tel Aviv but we decided to try out Korea. We're moving to Korea at the end of this summer.
I was in three different cities today. After the bat-mitzva party last night, we stayed over at my mother-in-law's in Jerusalem and then I went to Tel Aviv from there, then I came home to Haifa. I'm absolutely exhausted. And upset that I barely spent any time with Liam. At one point during the day, I almost felt like giving it all up and be a stay at home mom.
I was in three different cities today. After the bat-mitzva party last night, we stayed over at my mother-in-law's in Jerusalem and then I went to Tel Aviv from there, then I came home to Haifa. I'm absolutely exhausted. And upset that I barely spent any time with Liam. At one point during the day, I almost felt like giving it all up and be a stay at home mom.
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