I was hung up on the phone by my mom yesterday, a practice commonly exercised between us. My mom is visiting with my brother and staying at his house at the moment. She is angry at the relationship dynamics that my brother and his wife has-- she thought that he was "doing TOO much" for his wife and her family. When my brother cooked all day for the Thanksgiving dinner at his ILs, she "couldn't take it anymore," she said. Can you believe this? She should be happy that he's happy in his marriage and get along so well with his ILs!
In the end she brought this up to my brother's ILs and they're not really talking to each other now. Then my sister-in-law complained about my mom to my brother and he took my mom's side and they had a huge fight.
After listening to this story, in which my mom thought she was the right one as usual, I told her, in Korean, not to get too upset since my brother and his wife are really American and this is just an American way of doing things. Then she said "how could they fight when I'm in the same home and I can hear her?" My mom isn't the quietest person in the world, and I pointed out that mom said to me explaining about her own behavior that "it's OK and only natural for people to shout when they're 'so' angry." Then she became dead quiet and told me she had to hang up and there she hung up on me as usual.
I don't even know what to even call this kind of crazy thinking and behavior. It's definitely a pattern she has though. I hate to complain about my mom but she really drives me mad.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Opera Gig
I have been on standby for a gig at the Israeli Opera since the beginning of January, and yesterday I went for the first time to view and study their open rehearsal. It was my first work for a theatre type job, and my gosh, I LOVED it so much to be part of the scene. The current production is Mefistofele, and the costume is absolutely stunning. I was in a male chorus dressing room with about ten singers. What great fun it was to be surrounded by witty, dramatic, cultured men with great voice! They accepted me with open arms which I thought was really neat.
The whole backstage was filled with creative and artistic talents. I can so live on that kind of energy! I am looking forward to March when I'll be on call as a regular staff with La Boheme.
The whole backstage was filled with creative and artistic talents. I can so live on that kind of energy! I am looking forward to March when I'll be on call as a regular staff with La Boheme.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
I Hate Users!
So last Friday, this photographer (a kid, really) calls me up and says that he needs a makeup artist in an emergency for a shoot on Sunday. He asks me please if I can come and do a job without pay and sorry that he called so last minute. The shoot was for an interview of a famous media figure for a local daily newspaper. It's a kind of job that is good for my book/CV so I gracefully accept it.
On the morning of the shoot, I get a little lost locating the celebrity's apartment, but arrive on time. I exchange hellos with the journalist and the photographer on the parking lot before entering to meet with the star. The star is nice enough. Very charming in fact. He mock-flirts a little bit with the makeup artist-that would be me- to relaxed the situation. Asks if we'd like some coffee to which we say yes but he forgets to produce. I begin working on him immediately. Really the job is easy enough. I'm done before the photographer finishes setting up. He promises a few copies of the photos for my reference, which is really the point of why I did this work.
Next day I sms the photo dude to remind politely if I can get a few copies of yesterday's work if he's had time to go through the them. I know that he's done working on the pictures because from the previous experience it's apparent that he works very fast and efficiently. No answer. I wait a day to call and he answers and asks if he can call me back. I say of course. No call. I wait until next day to call again, this time really peeved. The phone rings and rings and the weasel doesn't answer! Next morning I send a final sms asking for a photo but I know by now it's a futile effort.
Obviously I'm never going to work with this asshole again, but I'm really pissed. When the newspaper journalist called me to thank me for my part, I held myself from ratting on him but it was really hard!
On the morning of the shoot, I get a little lost locating the celebrity's apartment, but arrive on time. I exchange hellos with the journalist and the photographer on the parking lot before entering to meet with the star. The star is nice enough. Very charming in fact. He mock-flirts a little bit with the makeup artist-that would be me- to relaxed the situation. Asks if we'd like some coffee to which we say yes but he forgets to produce. I begin working on him immediately. Really the job is easy enough. I'm done before the photographer finishes setting up. He promises a few copies of the photos for my reference, which is really the point of why I did this work.
Next day I sms the photo dude to remind politely if I can get a few copies of yesterday's work if he's had time to go through the them. I know that he's done working on the pictures because from the previous experience it's apparent that he works very fast and efficiently. No answer. I wait a day to call and he answers and asks if he can call me back. I say of course. No call. I wait until next day to call again, this time really peeved. The phone rings and rings and the weasel doesn't answer! Next morning I send a final sms asking for a photo but I know by now it's a futile effort.
Obviously I'm never going to work with this asshole again, but I'm really pissed. When the newspaper journalist called me to thank me for my part, I held myself from ratting on him but it was really hard!
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Shabat Lunch
In an attempt to put myself out there again, to get out of the funk so to speak, I organized a lunch for nine people today. Two of them- a couple- couldn't make it because their baby got sick. I made chili con carne, Israeli cous cous, roast beef, cucumber salad with grated carrots, sauteed mushrooms, and stir fried vegetables. David made a fabulous fruit salad with all the seasonal fruits as desert. We served red wine from Sion valley in Northern Israel. Harvey, a newcomer to Haifa and an Englishman, made a very English toast to me for providing a meal. Ari, our American neighbor was in high spirits after a drink of Laphroaig. Fun time was had by all, and I am back!
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Survivor
Okay, so, my new year's resolutions isn't going well. I'm not a) losing weight; b) really exercising. I'm doing my usual pilates classes but that's my comfort zone. I just don't have the motivation what with the cold winter weather and arguments with David. I can't bring myself to write about my marital woe because, like Melissa from Expatriate Games once said about herself and I agree to quote, "I'm not one of those people who can blog through stress". I usually disappear from the face of earth during crisis only to come out when things are better again- I delve into the thick depth of depression and unhappiness. I am ashamed to admit that sometimes I enjoy being depressed.
Speaking of depression and unhappiness, while I was strapped on the pilates apparetus this morning, I was feeling down and shitty when it dawned on me a sudden sensory recognition intimately familiar to me: I recall such feelings from my days in Hong Kong! It was in Hong Kong that I formed myself as an adult, and I always believed that I loved it there because there I was a free person at last to choose and decide whatever the direction I wanted to take. I'm pin pointing only now that my underlying state was of sadness and denial. Or else I wouldn't have partied every night immersed in a drinking binge, day in and day out for five straight years. It's true, a good friend of mine who knew me and my activities well at the time pointed out that I seemed "lost." I shook off that comment then because I wasn't ready to take on that kind of blunt assessment. Instead I found a flaw on her and distanced myself from her.
So in short, today I'm looking to get my energy back. I'm not going back to being unhappy. I have better things to do in life! For now I'm off to let Lucy (our nanny) off her duty for the afternoon.
Speaking of depression and unhappiness, while I was strapped on the pilates apparetus this morning, I was feeling down and shitty when it dawned on me a sudden sensory recognition intimately familiar to me: I recall such feelings from my days in Hong Kong! It was in Hong Kong that I formed myself as an adult, and I always believed that I loved it there because there I was a free person at last to choose and decide whatever the direction I wanted to take. I'm pin pointing only now that my underlying state was of sadness and denial. Or else I wouldn't have partied every night immersed in a drinking binge, day in and day out for five straight years. It's true, a good friend of mine who knew me and my activities well at the time pointed out that I seemed "lost." I shook off that comment then because I wasn't ready to take on that kind of blunt assessment. Instead I found a flaw on her and distanced myself from her.
So in short, today I'm looking to get my energy back. I'm not going back to being unhappy. I have better things to do in life! For now I'm off to let Lucy (our nanny) off her duty for the afternoon.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Love Me or Leave Me
When things are not going well at the home relationship front I find myself unmotivated and listless. Today was such a day. I am merely going through motions when picking up Liam and singing to him.
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Yesterday I attended a concert by a Jazz vocalist named Paula West whose concert paid tribute to Bob Dylan and Nina Simone who is my favorite singer. Paula West was one of those very personal type of celebrities. She came out to the lobby to speak to the audience during the intermission. No pretense at all. Still, I was a little star struck and David asked her (for me) if she will sing Love Me or Leave Me. She wouldn't, she said, it wasn't part of the repertoire. I was duly disappointed, but her performance of The Times They Are A-changin' inspired me completely. She said she began performing the song since right before the election in October.
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Yesterday I attended a concert by a Jazz vocalist named Paula West whose concert paid tribute to Bob Dylan and Nina Simone who is my favorite singer. Paula West was one of those very personal type of celebrities. She came out to the lobby to speak to the audience during the intermission. No pretense at all. Still, I was a little star struck and David asked her (for me) if she will sing Love Me or Leave Me. She wouldn't, she said, it wasn't part of the repertoire. I was duly disappointed, but her performance of The Times They Are A-changin' inspired me completely. She said she began performing the song since right before the election in October.
Friday, January 9, 2009
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Promises, Promises
I was reading Amanda's Blog on New Year's resolution, and I've realized people actually resolve their resolutions! I've never really resolved any new year's resolutions so I don't make them anymore.
Well, except one year, in my early days in Hong Kong, I was so lonely and didn't know anyone that I told myself I will make lots and lots of friends and get to know many many people. That I did. Eventually I indeed knew many people in Hong Kong. Even that resolution though, isn't without regrets. After seven years in the place, I only have a few real friends left from the hundreds that I used to know and drink with. I wish that I had chosen friends more carefully and cultivated deeper friendships.
Anyhow, about making resolutions. I've decided to make one again this year for a change. I hardly did anything for this New Year's. David and I rented a DVD (Mama Mia) and split a beer after we put Liam to bed. That was big: we haven't done anything like that in.... since Liam came along.
My New Year's Resolutions:
1. To lose 10 kgs. That's right people, that's 22lbs. I have a small frame and at 5'4'' and 58kg is too heavy. I haven't lost all my pregnancy weight since I gave birth 6 1/2 months ago. It's time to reshape!
2. To achieve #1, I need to exercise. So: Exercise.
3. Be more aggressive about marketing myself. Honestly, I have been to lame to advertise myself to potential work sources. I need to put myself out there and receive more work.
4. Try to love life more. Stop enjoying the feeling of melancholy.
5. Go and visit Yoonju. He's my brother who lives in San Francisco. I haven't seen him in more than a year. It's very sad that we're becoming so distant. We used to be so close when we were growing up.
That's it. Next year this time, I, too would like to be able to say "I have resolved (some part of) my New Year's resolutions."
Well, except one year, in my early days in Hong Kong, I was so lonely and didn't know anyone that I told myself I will make lots and lots of friends and get to know many many people. That I did. Eventually I indeed knew many people in Hong Kong. Even that resolution though, isn't without regrets. After seven years in the place, I only have a few real friends left from the hundreds that I used to know and drink with. I wish that I had chosen friends more carefully and cultivated deeper friendships.
Anyhow, about making resolutions. I've decided to make one again this year for a change. I hardly did anything for this New Year's. David and I rented a DVD (Mama Mia) and split a beer after we put Liam to bed. That was big: we haven't done anything like that in.... since Liam came along.
My New Year's Resolutions:
1. To lose 10 kgs. That's right people, that's 22lbs. I have a small frame and at 5'4'' and 58kg is too heavy. I haven't lost all my pregnancy weight since I gave birth 6 1/2 months ago. It's time to reshape!
2. To achieve #1, I need to exercise. So: Exercise.
3. Be more aggressive about marketing myself. Honestly, I have been to lame to advertise myself to potential work sources. I need to put myself out there and receive more work.
4. Try to love life more. Stop enjoying the feeling of melancholy.
5. Go and visit Yoonju. He's my brother who lives in San Francisco. I haven't seen him in more than a year. It's very sad that we're becoming so distant. We used to be so close when we were growing up.
That's it. Next year this time, I, too would like to be able to say "I have resolved (some part of) my New Year's resolutions."
Friday, January 2, 2009
Missing Marlboros
I used to be a smoker. My love-hate affair with Marlboro Lights began in senior year of high school when I nicked my mom's pack from behind her bedroom mirror. (Yes, my mom was one of those behind the closet smokers like all her fellow Korean women her generation.) When my best friend Kim came to pick me up in her new Mazda, I quickly shoved the said packet in the back pocket of my flare jeans, which was retro in vogue at the time, as I faced Mom and said 'see ya later'.
On the highway on our way to the mall- alas, where else would you go in a suburb?- we began smoking ceremoniously: me my mom's Marlboro Lights and Kim her New Port Menthol Lights. Yuck, I never felt so sick and nauseous in my life! I felt like my whole gut was about to turn out. Literally tasting the nausea in my mouth, though, I persevered. I wouldn't be cool if I had to stop, you see. Half a year went by like that until we graduated from high school. Kim, in the mean time, began bleeding from her throat and had to stop smoking. I, on the other hand, slowly got used to the cigarette smoking. I became a pack-a-day smoker. The Marlboros kept me company at various moments and in all kinds of life journeys. They were my most intimate best of friends, so to speak.
Then, after smoking for ten years, my body told me I needed to give 'em up. Several attempts were made to quit until I actually did. The truth was I didn't really want to quit. I liked myself as a smoker. I was still smoking one or two sticks a day when I found out that I was pregnant. Feeling guilty and remorseful, I quit totally cold turkey. I haven't touch them since.
So what is the issue? Lately, I REALLY REALLY miss smoking. With the weather here in Israel getting suddenly cold last week, the urges came on strongly. I had always enjoyed smoking more somehow in the winter than in the summer. I don't want to become a smoker again, though. Plus it wouldn't be so cool if Liam someday nicks my pack of Marlboros.
On the highway on our way to the mall- alas, where else would you go in a suburb?- we began smoking ceremoniously: me my mom's Marlboro Lights and Kim her New Port Menthol Lights. Yuck, I never felt so sick and nauseous in my life! I felt like my whole gut was about to turn out. Literally tasting the nausea in my mouth, though, I persevered. I wouldn't be cool if I had to stop, you see. Half a year went by like that until we graduated from high school. Kim, in the mean time, began bleeding from her throat and had to stop smoking. I, on the other hand, slowly got used to the cigarette smoking. I became a pack-a-day smoker. The Marlboros kept me company at various moments and in all kinds of life journeys. They were my most intimate best of friends, so to speak.
Then, after smoking for ten years, my body told me I needed to give 'em up. Several attempts were made to quit until I actually did. The truth was I didn't really want to quit. I liked myself as a smoker. I was still smoking one or two sticks a day when I found out that I was pregnant. Feeling guilty and remorseful, I quit totally cold turkey. I haven't touch them since.
So what is the issue? Lately, I REALLY REALLY miss smoking. With the weather here in Israel getting suddenly cold last week, the urges came on strongly. I had always enjoyed smoking more somehow in the winter than in the summer. I don't want to become a smoker again, though. Plus it wouldn't be so cool if Liam someday nicks my pack of Marlboros.
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